I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
