One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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