I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
