I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
