he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
