Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize