if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fill condoms, not promises.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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