listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I fill condoms, not promises.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
