she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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