I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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