Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont even know how to be here
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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