I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize