The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
