Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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