He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
