The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you inspire me to be a worse person
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
