Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
