Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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