Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
