Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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