So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
