belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
