Nicole vs. Life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
