So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
