Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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