I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
