im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
