so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
