my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
