Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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