I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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