I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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