i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
