Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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