i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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