maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
