either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
