Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Even my vagina gasped.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
