I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
