guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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