Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
