umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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