Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
