If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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