He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
