Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just gift wrapped bread.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
