he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
