guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize