Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
