I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
