Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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