You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
