all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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