walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
