I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
