Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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