If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
