I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
