Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
