Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
