The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
