Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
