I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
