i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
