But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
