I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize